


Broken

by scarlet_malfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Caretaking, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 02:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11637207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlet_malfoy/pseuds/scarlet_malfoy
Summary: It's the day before the full moon, and Sirius sticks by Remus' side.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to betas, lap_otter and dark_branwen <3

**Tuesday September 27, 1977**   
**Seventh Year**   
**Early Afternoon**

 

“Get out of here and go to the game, please,” Remus Lupin managed between pained breaths, all the while demonstrating his usual amount of decorum.

Sirius Black, tilting back in his chair with his feet propped up on Remus’s bed, looked up from the book he was pretending to read. “I will do no such thing.” He immediately looked down at the book again, which just so happened to be his Transfiguration text.

“Fine,” Remus muttered, shifting a bit under the sheets, even though he knew there was no position that would make him suddenly comfortable. “Then at least stop pretending to read. You don’t read books. Ever. And you don’t-“ He winced suddenly as a wave of pain shot through him. “- _need_ to study Transfiguration. Git.”

“You’re right, Moony. I'm above and beyond this mediocrity!” Sirius grinned cheekily and brought both legs in to sit cross-legged on the chair, letting the book fall to the floor with a thud.

Remus cringed, not in pain, but at the thought of wrinkled pages and damaged corners and all other things that could befall a fallen book. Had Remus the energy, he’d have bent down himself to pick it up and put it on the bookshelf, as was its proper place. However, all he could manage was a particularly stern glare in Sirius’s direction.

Generally, Sirius would have paid any stern glare of Remus’s no heed, but because of the day that it just so happened to be, he did not hesitate as he picked up the book and put it on the shelf--even if he did make several pained faces at Remus as he did so.

“Thanks,” Remus said, pulling the sheet up higher around him as he felt a cold sweat form on his skin. “You know, you won’t miss the game if you leave now. You don’t have to worry about me... I can take the Portkey to the Shack right now, and it’ll be fine.”

Sirius levelled his eyes at Remus in dismay.“You are not going to spend the next few hours alone in a wooden shack in all sorts of amounts of pain, while I _watch_ a Quidditch match. Absolutely not! And also, Quidditch matches have been known to last for weeks on end, Moony. There is absolutely no guarantee that I’ll be back in time. I’ll forget all about you, and I’ll get lost in the game. Lost in the whirlwind that is Quidditch, just like that selfish James Potter is doing right now.” Feeling uncharacteristically maternal, Sirius reached for the damp cloth on the bedside table and placed it on Remus’s forehead.

“There’s no reason you shouldn’t be out there with him and Peter. It’s Slytherin versus Ravenclaw, for Merlin’s sake… this match determines--ahh, crap.” Remus’s eyes snapped shut, and he turned on his side, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to stifle the sudden onslaught of nausea. Sirius toed the trash can slightly closer to the edge of Remus’s bed, just in case.

“Yes, yes, it determines whether or not Slytherin is in the running this year… and you’re right, it will be utter _crap_ if we have to revamp our strategy for those cheating bastardly bastards.”

“You want to go, Sirius,” Remus muttered weakly, eyes still closed.

Sirius leaned forward again and adjusted the cloth on his forehead, as it was about to slide off. “I’ll hear all about it from James later. He’ll weave an epic tale of the match for us both, and Peter will do an interpretive dance.”

“That’s stupid. Not the same. Go--oh, no.” Remus leaned over the side of the bed. He didn’t want to be sick, but that’s what seemed to be about to happen anyway, quite against his will.

“Not going,” Sirius said simply, catching the cloth before it fell into the trash can. He patted Remus's back lightly, wishing there was any kind of potion at all he could give his friend to make him feel better, but knowing there was absolutely nothing he could do aside from just _be_ there with him. He’d always been there with Remus during the day before the full moon, and he’d been there for every single moon since becoming an Animagus. Just because a Quidditch match happened to be scheduled on the same day changed nothing. And he was a bit put out that Remus thought his priorities could waver so easily.

The external shift from man to wolf was always sudden. Generally, the event took between one to three minutes. But it wasn’t at all like the smooth, almost artistic change of an Animagus; it was rough and random, unpredictable. Some parts would change before other parts had the chance to, stretching skin painfully. Bones would change shape and rearrange themselves, growing too big and too fast inside of a skin that was still all man. Knees would reverse direction, long sharp teeth would form inside too small a mouth, and deadly claws would stretch from thin fingers that were used to handling books with such precious care.

The internal shift, however, existed in a completely different timeframe. It usually started about two days before the full moon. Remus would become shaky, he would get a very bad headache, and he would usually become very cranky and irritable. All of his extremities and muscles would ache, as if he’d just run a marathon. He would become very aware of his bones. They would always seem to be challenging gravity, as if staying inside his skin was something they were unsure about. He would become even more sensitive to scent and touch than usual; the sensations had a tendency to overwhelm him. Being around people would become exceedingly more torturous as the day wore on, until he would finally resign himself to his dorm room.

The day before the full moon was a bit like having the Wizard Flu, only about ten times worse and with no potion that could dull the symptoms. Internal organs would swell and movement would become intensely painful, while his breathing would become sharp and difficult. His blood would rush incessantly as bits and pieces of his cells prepared for change, for a complete anatomical shift, while his white blood cells tried to fight off the invading wolf. Try as they might, there was nothing they could do as everything within him followed the pull of the moon. He would often suffer hallucinations and become paranoid and afraid. But he would never remember any of the frightening images, or any of the things he said the next day. For this, Sirius was exceedingly grateful, because things had a tendency to get very bad.

After regurgitating everything he could remember having eaten in the past week into the trash can, Remus fell back onto his pillow and tried to stop the strangled cry that was trying to wrestle its way out of his throat. Being in this state was nothing short of damned infuriating for him. He appreciated Sirius and James and Peter’s willingness to be there for him; Sirius in particular. Sirius was so vehement about never leaving his side; he'd never been able to figure out exactly why. Still, he appreciated it, even though he hated showing weakness so often. Once a month before he turned into a monster, he became this helpless, useless creature first, and he hated it more than anything in the world. He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, especially to his best friends. Especially to Sirius.

“All right, Moony?” Sirius was wiping his sweaty face with the cold cloth, and against his burning flesh, it felt amazing. With his wand hand, Sirius managed to Banish the vomit without ceasing in his ministrations, and the room stopped smelling so sickeningly horrible to Remus’s overly-sensitized nose.

“Mm,” Remus moaned and tried to summon his coherency, but it seemed to have abandoned him as it was wont to do on the day before the moon. “Fuck, ah! No skin…” It sent a painful shock through his body when Sirius’s thumb accidentally moved off the cloth and graced his cheek.

Sirius jerked his hand away very suddenly. “Sorry! Christ, so sorry…” He was usually more careful; the last thing he wanted was to cause Remus any more pain than was strictly necessary. He bit his lip guiltily and placed the cloth carefully on Remus’s forehead again, which seemed pointless a moment later when he pulled himself into a tight fetal position.

“Please…” Remus begged, and Sirius stroked his arched back through several layers of pajama top and blanket, up and down, trying to calm him even though he knew it was practically pointless.

Sirius leaned forward a bit. “What’s the matter, Moony?” he whispered.

“Make everyone get out,” he cried, in a choked voice tinged with pain. “I don’t want… why can’t they just leave? I don’t want anyone to see…” His frantic eyes looked past Sirius, at what Sirius knew very well was a blank wall.

Sirius turned to stare threateningly at the wall. “Can you please get out of here? I’m serious.”

“You’re Sirius,” Remus echoed, and Sirius couldn’t help grinning just the tiniest bit.

“I _am_ Sirius. Damn right. You know it. So leave!” he intoned once more towards the wall. It remained immobile and inanimate, but the he could feel a bit of the tenseness leave Remus’s back just the same as he closed his eyes.

It would be amazing if Remus could fall asleep, Sirius thought. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it usually meant Remus’s transformation would be easier. Not that it was ever particularly easy for him.

Something slightly incoherent came out of Remus’s mouth then; something that sounded suspiciously like “bad butt.” However, Sirius was well-versed in Incoherent Remus Speech, and automatically translated it into a call for Padfoot.

Sirius was pleased. This was a rare occurrence as well, but also a good sign. Whether it meant that Remus was in a cuddly mood (which was rare in and of itself) or that the wolf craved companionship, Sirius wasn’t sure. But Moony almost always did better with Padfoot around. There were certain times when the pain would be so intense that Padfoot’s presence did nothing, but this didn’t appear to be one of those times. Sirius was intensely glad there was something he could do to help.

Without hesitation, he transformed and jumped carefully onto Remus’s bed. Almost a blind reflex, Remus’s arms reached out, and Padfoot lay down beside him. He was careful not to be overly playful as per usual, not to be too rough. Padfoot’s fur was protection from the painful skin to skin contact, and something about his presence - that of a pack-mate - was a comfort to the mutating wolf within. Remus unfurled himself slowly from his fetal position until he was lying quite easily beside the dog. He gripped his fur roughly, but Padfoot didn’t mind. He licked Remus’s face and neck to cool him down, and after a little while, Remus did sleep.

Padfoot stayed still, and with his own heightened dog-senses, he was strangely aware of Remus’s rushing blood and internal shifting. Sirius on the inside could not have been more pleased with the circumstances of this particular moon, and not just for Remus’s sake. He was so grateful for the obvious amount of trust Remus placed in him. And after spending a whole summer with his family - the last one ever, he hoped - being wanted was quite a nice change. Moony wanted Padfoot and that was fine. There was nothing weird about it; it was normal, even. It was spectacular, in Sirius’s opinion. It was the one thing he continually wished Remus would be able to remember in the morning.

 


End file.
